Archive for the ‘Funny Life Stories’ Category

WOW! As I conducted my research on creepy pick-up lines, I must say I am shocked at what I found. Even scarier, if they are being posted in a list, they must have worked at least once and been put back into action for future endeavors. I must say, there were some I was not even bold enough to bring to the attention of the readers. I think the fact that they will haunt my brain for an eternity is enough.

So we obviously know what a pick-up line is used for and the intention behind it. That, in itself, leads one to believe the person approaching them is a creeper. I was shocked and appalled by the guy who made mention every time I was in earshot about how great he felt my boobs were. By the way, I am not easily offended; but I felt compelled to let him know he would never find out.

How about this one: “I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U”. Umm, that paints an image I want to have about someone. Now I am thinking, you are so invading my personal space and is whatever you are carrying spread airborne? Gross!

And how about this one: “Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?” Time to run screaming before you are kidnapped and found dead in a field or body of water, right? Can anything say psycho better?

Here are some of my other creepy, stalker lines courtesy of http://www.sekoj.com/pickuplines/creepypickuplines.html:

  • Do I know you from somewhere? I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.Come one creeper! When has this actually worked? This is offensive in two ways: The obvious of you are just trying to hook up and the not so obvious of if you think you saw me naked and forgot where, there are deeper issues or maybe you are chillin with chloroform boy as I don’t remember the incident.
  • That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on unsolved mysteriesWhat says sociopath better than this line!
  • You’re so good lookin’ I’d drink your bath water.Umm…eww stalker…enough said!

For the reader’s sanity, I have decided to leave out many of the various disturbing pick-up lines I have found. Of course, everyone knows where the horrible pick-up lines are leading. Most of us were brought up to be polite, so we do not immediately go for the punch or throw our drinks on the approaching creeper; however, keep missing the get the hell away from me hint and we may change our minds (and not to creepers benefit).

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As you can probably tell from my blog name, I do not lead the most overly exciting life and my social life is a bit lacking. I would blame this on many things, such as kids, school, work, or other various possibilities; but it would all be just excuses and lies. I am truly a homebody at heart. However, yesterday, I decided to venture out into the vast world of dive bars and karaoke (and yes, I sang…enough said).

The day started as normal as any other day, I had zero plans, other than to clean my room. Of course, this means ANY possible suggestion thrown my way I will often take without thought as my room requires much work I try to avoid at all costs. When my mother called with a request in my attendance at an estate sale, I said “sure!” without thought. See, avoidance at all costs. I must add here that I love my mother and she is a wonderful woman with all of my best intentions in mind. I ended up with newly used furniture and a new workout/lifting plan in my day I had not previously intended on. However, at the end of the day, I am happier with my home, if not with my bedroom.

This brings my to the next step in my day. I had agreed to read my writer friend’s first fifty pages of her book. I absolutely love the book and characters. As a test reader, it is my duty to openly comment throughout the book so she can have real feedback, which I did do. However, I completed this action on my beloved Kindle and was unable to get the feedback from my ereader to my friends. We attempted various methods to only figure out I should add my notes to a version I can email her with and ditch the Kindle for feedback. At least I have learned what not to do (silver lining right??)

By this time, I realize it is after 5 pm and my kids must eat dinner and my mother has now mentioned to me a night out to the movies with my aunts. We have a close family and we do many things together; it’s not that I am such a social leper that I am damned to an eternity of only family activities. My family is actually pretty cool, believe it or not. I was brought into movie night under false pretenses, expecting to see one movie, when in fact we ended up seeing Chronicle. By the way, I am still trying to figure out why I wasted that hour and a half of my life I will never get back. Wow. By far, one of the worst movies EVER!!! I will not even justify what I will loosely call a film with a crappy review; so not worth the time or keystrokes.

After the many misfortunes of my day thus far, I was reluctant to take on any more invites. However, when a girlfriend texts you requesting support, can you really say no?? I should have known what I was in for when I found out the reason the support was needed and that a dive bar hosting karaoke Saturday night was involved. Hurt and wounded women in a Cheers type establishment (where everybody knows your name for those too young not to remember the program) are not quite in their best frame of mind always.

I walk into the bar and meet my two girlfriends and am greeted with the words “You have sooo much catching up to do.” As I am a cheap date, catching up does not take much. Two shots and a beer later, I wouldn’t say I was caught up, but I was comfortably close; at least close enough to make a fool of myself singing my favorite karaoke tunes. I will say I had fun. I enjoy girls night out and am always supportive to my friends who have been there for me. Also, I rarely miss an opportunity to make a fool of myself in front of 30-50 drunk folks. No matter how bad you may suck, they always think you are the next American Idol. However, I was inspired by the nights events to write a blog in the near future about awful pick up lines and what NOT to say to a woman in ANY setting. I am thinking you should be looking for something along the lines of You have really nice boobs as a title or maybe my come back of How do you know it isn’t just a really great bra…oh, right, you will NEVER know…

I will address that last either later today or this week sometime…happy blogging all…

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I am definitely going to have to do some monitoring over the next few days.

Again, this morning, I’m sitting outside and notice the frog staring at me just after I sat down. This time he was more stealthy and strategic in his efforts as he suddenly just appeared.

Today, I decided on a new strategy of my own, hoping to divert the oncoming attack. Logic told me to stand, creating more movement and appear more gigantic to my opponent. A seemingly great theory in my head, which did not pan out so well in practice.

The psycho albino frog showed no fear. He watched me rise as he apparently decided to take one large heroic leap toward me! I jumped back and made a little yelp, then retreated for the indoors. But just before my retreat, I swear I could hear him making victory noises in the grass.

I’m not sure and may have to research further, but I believe this is not a common thing for frogs. My belief is a smaller frog would decide to retreat in lieu of an attack.

Oh, you won the battle today my little psycho albino froggy, but I will not let you win the war…

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As I was sitting outside in the wee hours of the morning totally engrossed in the book I’m test reading for a friend, I was nearly attacked by a frog! I saw the frog hop from the chair across my back patio to the ground and paid him no mind when he didn’t move. Next thing I knew, in two great bounds he nearly landed on my unshoed foot! I jumped so high I nearly went backward in my chair! Thank goodness neither myself or the frog were hurt in the process, but I promptly went inside in fear the psycho frog would be back.

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