Thought for the day…treatment of others

We have all know the quote “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” from the bible, right? Basically, the theory is you treat others the way you want them to treat you in return. Why doesn’t this work more often? Think about this for a second. How many times have you treated someone really well and you did not get anything near that treatment in return?

So, what do you do? Do you start treating them how they are treating you because that is apparently how they want to be treated since they are treating you that way? Or, do you continue to treat them the way you want to be treated? It’s kind of like being stuck between a rock and a hard place when you think about it. If the other person just likes being treated poorly so they treat you poorly, will treating them good ever work? What if you are both trying to treat the other like you want to be treated? How frustrating because you both want to be treated differently than the other. Maybe it isn’t working because there is a serious misunderstanding on treatment needs.

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Unhealthy and unwell….eeeekkkk!!!

I know I have talked about my Wheel of Life Tree and how I am using it to work on myself, so I figured I would talk a bit about the health and fitness part of my plan. I want to give a little back story, outline my goals, and use this as a platform to keep myself motivated. As long as I am blogging, I am probably better served if I am also getting motivation out of it as well 😉

Okay, here it goes, the about me part. I have been a very unhealthy girl in the past who thought or did little with regards to changing my unhealthy ways. At one time, I weighed nearly 230 lbs, which was definitely not a good thing on my 5’5″ frame. I had had two children and blamed my weight on baby weight gain. I forget to add in the fried foods, fast foods, and other generally unhealthy stuff in my diet. I am not saying I didn’t eat fruits and veggies; however, there was no focus on nutrition what-so-ever. There was no focus on exercise either. Add to that cigarettes and occasional alcohol and, well, you get my point, I was in sad shape.

Luckily, I was in my 20’s and had time to implement change if only I could see change was necessary. I had no thought of change back then. Sure, I did all of the fad diets, but didn’t have the strength to stick to anything. I would always revert back to my old ways.

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Manipulation or soul inspiration? Which is it???

I know I have been absent a bit; but this week and the following my boss is out-of-town, so I am covering his and my posts and life is about to get a little crazy. I should be back in full swing again in a few weeks. While I am about to compromise much of my time to cover his vacation, I thought I would research and write about compromise a bit. Compromise, whether in a professional or personal relationship, is key to making things work with another person.

What is compromise? Compromise is an act in which two people come to a mutual agreement to find common ground. Normally,  compromise means each side gives up or concedes some of their demands to make a mutual decision that should work best for both parties involved. However, according to Karen Salmansohn, not all compromise is good in a relationship.

Salmansohn shared a bad compromise is that which requires you change yourself in a way that makes you less yourself, but a good compromise requires you change in ways that help you grow into a better you. Good compromises are those that include things like asking the other person to attempt to be better organized and live more neatly, asking someone to take better care of his health, working toward fitness goals together, asking someone to communicate more directly or more clearly, and asking someone to talk less to actively listen more when there are communication issues. Good compromise doesn’t mean it is easy compromise, but that is compromise that will move both parties in a more positive direction or will positively impact the person you are asking to compromise. Compromise is not controlling the other person, but helping them be a better them.

She shared some interesting love advise derived from Aristotle. Aristotle looks at love and relationships in how a person chooses his mate. His claim is that many people are unhappy as their choice of mate is based on utility instead of finding a “relationship of shared virtue“.

What’s the difference you may ask? I know that was my big question. A utility chosen mate is one chosen for something like sex or money. In other words, what you get from this person that is useful makes them a good choice. Whereas, “a relationship of shared virtue” is one where your mate understand what is at your core and is supportive of helping you reach your best you. Aristotle refers to the experience of dealing with a period of pain for change to occur with the knowledge that personal growth is at hand as “the education of the soul“. You only gain this from “a relationship of shared virtue”, which is why you surround yourself with people and an environment that supports you becoming the best you at your core. Basically, you are improving your soul and therefore your happiness with each positive change.

So what does all of this Aristotle philosophy of shared virtue and education of soul have to do with compromise anyway? Practicing good compromises, those made to help you become the best you possible, will seal the deal when it comes to strengthening the soul and becoming the best you. Have you ever been with someone who just made you want to be a better you or the best you possible? Shared virtue means that real love between two people that makes them want to be a better person because they are just inspired by one another. At least, that is my interpretation from what I read.

So, let’s get back to the compromise part of all this. How do you know exactly what is a good and what is a bad compromise? That is the tricky part. Sometimes a compromise seems okay at first and then you realize it was a manipulation instead of a compromise. Other times, you may think the compromise is a manipulation in disguise but later discover it was a good compromise when change for the better came of it.

On of the larger factors in distinguishing what type of compromise you are making is the consideration of self. Are you making a compromise that will actually compromise who you are and your core values, change your authenticity? I am not talking about requiring someone stop doing things that will hurt them, such as drugs or overeating; but of things that require you give up a piece of who you are or things you are passionate about. These are the obey me type of requests one person puts upon another and typically not requests made out of love and want for positive improvement. If the compromise is one of empowerment to the authenticity of the individual, inspirational, and one that motivates the person into becoming a better them, now we are talking about the good stuff.

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Wheel of Life Tree, Part 2

I have figured out I have done nothing with the information I learned and talked about in my previous post Wheel of Life Tree, Part 1. I actually went back and reworked my Wheel of Life and found I am less happy in those aspects of my life than I was when I started. Needless to say, I have been slipping in working on the things I wanted to get busy on in my life. I started focusing on the wrong things the last month, such as going out with the girls a bit too often, and forgot that I had goals.

Today, I am reworking my goals. I am starting still with Home/Physical Environment and Health/Fitness. I do have a start on my Growth/Learning area of my Wheel of Life. I just paid off a debt to my school so I can resume classes once again once all of the paperwork has been handled. I only have five classes left to finish my Masters Degree, so I am completely excited about this move.

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Relationships…deep thoughts for the day…

Good afternoon fellow bloggers. I am thinking today about relationships. I am not talking about just husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends; but relationships in general. Have you ever really taken the time to think about the relationships you are a part of? How about what those relationships take to stay in tact? I think about these things often. I often think about how people work together toward common goals, relationships being one of those goals.

First, let me start by saying I am a fixer. I do not like anything to have gaps, holes, or issues. When I have an issue in any relationship, I want to fix it immediately. I have had to work at this as this is not always a positive trait. Some people and things need space before fixing is possible. Sometimes, patience is truly a virtue when it comes to arising issues in relationships. Sometimes, the issues require more thought for one or both parties before a fix is even possible.

Sadly, there are times the issues are too great and a fix is not a possible feature for the relationship; but that too, requires time and thought to understand. I am not a person who gives up on anyone quickly or without putting out every effort possible in shifting a damaging situation into something good, but I have had to leave some people behind and realize there was no possible fix. That being said, often I have learned a many lesson from these individuals and the situations we have been through and for that the relationship holds great value, even in closing and moving on.

What I have realized is relationships come in several forms and they all take similar elements to exist. I have friends and family that are in my close inner circle, friends I drink with, family I see only a few times per year, family I see several times per week, work friends, and so many other levels of relationships. Each of these requires communication, give and take, honesty, time, emotional energy of some sort, trust, and commitment. They may not all require each of these elements on a deeper level, but they all require them on some level.

I think what I mean to say is every relationship takes some level of work and devotion to development. If you let that go, the people involved start to grow apart and the relationship slowly dies. I have been there also.

Relationships can change as well. They may not always carry the same dynamic as they once did. Friends become lovers, lovers become friends, acquaintances become best friends, couples become separated parents, and so on. We see and experience this many times in our lives. But, it is the effort we put behind the relationship, or lack there of, that makes the difference.

If you cannot tell, I have been thinking a LOT lately. I think I may be in my philosophical stage right now. Follow my blogs long enough and you will realize I work in stages; sometimes I lean more toward humor and sarcasm, but I often slip into this deep thought stage. Thank goodness I finally have an outlet for it.

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Asshole Day has arrived

I realized I have been slacking on my blog this week.  I am working on some slightly educational mythology pieces, but I figured I should throw some daily stuff in here as well. So, my loyal readers, here is my daily rant. I will warn you, we had girls night out last night in celebration of my cousin arriving for vacation, so this may or may not make sense.

I have decided yesterday and today are both deemed Asshole Day. I normally am not one to curse in my blog, but I simply cannot help it as there is just no better term to fit. I am not sure if it is anger over poorly chosen Valentine’s Day gifts or what; but it seems the world is filled with extreme assholes these two days. I was hopeful yesterday would be the only Asshole Day, but it seemed to spill over into today.

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Hangin in Loserville

I think I may give the creepers a break, for a second at least, and give the losers some attention. I did call this losers and creepers week, but I have really neglected the former. I am sorry losers, I really meant no offense or malice. I will give you some much-needed attention now.

So, in my misadventures of multiple girls nights this week, I came across Mr. I Think I’m Something Special. For some reason, the more you are trying to not meet someone, the more Mr. Wrong you seem to attract. If anyone knows the reason for this, please feel free to share. I am starting to wonder if I have a neon sign above my head that says “I am single and not afraid to be alone, so please pester me!” Otherwise, I have been checking the mirror to see if I finally woke up with STUPID tattooed on my forehead, but that hasn’t happened yet either.

Here are some of the signs I noticed regarding losers this week (yes, Mr. I Think I’m Something Special, this includes you):

• No car: Do you really expect me to drive your butt around? Seriously? How do you get to work? OMG…do you work?!?
• Questionable job: Please see above. No further comment necessary.
• I am sorry if I am acting odd, I smoked pot then took some (insert pill name here) and now I am drinking: Umm…yeah, I think the loser said it all himself. If you still have any questions, see bullet points one and two.
• Appearance: Can you not afford a belt? Do you really think I like looking at your underwear or that walking oddly so your pants don’t fall down the rest of the way is sexy? Did you roll out of bed in those clothes and come to the bar? I mean seriously, you couldn’t take the extra 5 minutes to care about your appearance?
• Language Barrier: No, I don’t mean foreign. I think we speak the same language, but maybe loser didn’t retain the spelling lessons from school, probably due to the drug habit mentioned above. Did you know there were extra consonants in that word? What does bae mean anyway? Is babe not short enough a word as is? Did you really have to remove the extra “b”? Speaking of which, who said you could call me babe anyway? Nevermind, I prefer you don’t know my name anyway. How about you just don’t call me anything actually.

Image via Wikipedia

I do not claim to be perfect nor do I want to be. I can say, however, I have standards and the above violate all of them. If anyone has any additional loser traits to share, please do so.

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